18/06

Days with My Parents

今朝の夢、ホームシックにかかる夢でした。現実と夢の間を彷徨いながら、頭がすっきりしないまま目が覚めました。一瞬ここが日本なんだかアデレードなんだか分からなくなり、数秒後に「あ、アデレードだ。」と気がつきました。これが人生2度目の海外生活、でも今回は”ここで暮らす”という意味はとても大きいです。自分が年をとった分だけ親も年をとり、色々と考えるようになりました。両親も登場した今日の夢、切ない気持ちを引きづりながらメールなどチェックしていたら、Twitterにて写真家Phillip ToledanoのDays with My Fatherという写真集に出会いました。とにかく素晴らしいの一言。胸があつくなり、心が揺さぶられ、目元に浮かぶ涙を感じ。記憶障害を持つ年老いた98歳の父親の日々を息子はカメラのフィルターを通して見つめ、父親はその記憶を失っていくけれど写真という存在の中に父親の”生きた証”が残されていくのです。彼の写真を見ながら、両親と過ごす時間について考え始める私。私はここから何ができるだろうか。Days with My Fatherが心に刻まれた今、次に両親と電話で話す時、日本で会った時、もっとその時間を大事に想える自分がそこにいると思う。このポラは去年の一時帰国の時に家の前で撮りました。

My dream this morning was about being homesick. My mind was wondering around between dream and reality, then I woke up with dizziness. I couldn’t find the answer if this was Adelaide or Japan straight away. It took me seconds to realise it was Adelaide. Adelaide is my 2nd overseas place to live in my life, but the meaning of “live” is huge this time. I’m getting older and so are my parents. I think about things more and more. My parents were in my today’s dream as well. I was checking emails while I was still holding tender sadness after that dream, then I found  Photographer Pillip Toledano’s photo journal, Days with My Father accidentally on Twitter. The photographs are extraordinarily. I was deeply moved , filled with emotions and felt tears in my eyes. The son captured his aged 98-year old dad who had memory loss through the camera filter, he knew his dad would not remember those moments but the dad’s life would always be in all the photographs he took, the beautiful proof that his dad was alive. Looking at his photos brought me to think about my days with my parents. What can I do for them from here. Days with My Father has left me a great impression, so the next time I talk to them on the phone or I see them in Japan, I’ll find myself to appreciate the time to spend with them more. The polaroid was taken when I was in Japan last September.

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